a year later, i’m still a train wreck.


i don’t know how i feel about anything anymore.

it’s an endless cycle of recycled emotions and sometimes i feel as if they’re just there to cover the fact that i am extremely numb and frozen and confused.

i’m too scared to go back, but i’m too scared to move forward.

everything is just happening so quick.

and it’s hard to be sad anymore, and maybe that’s progress or maybe that’s just another mechanism i’m using to keep myself going, afraid that if i linger too long reality will set in and my world will come crashing and i’ll be stuck, alone.

i have you to thank.

Christmas Tree

Christmas Tree



kind of upsetting this year. Nothing like what it used to be. You keep showing your true colors, and I keep acting like I don’t see them. like some colorblind hopeless bitch needing your love. pathetic. I won’t do this to myself. I have so much more potential.


i’m better now, I haven’t learned not to care but I’ve learned to care about other things more. proud of my progress. Moved back home, new place in the next week. School in 2 weeks.new.new.new.

little monster

little monster


and who’s to say it’s nothing more than an infatuation.

who’s to say it’s the real thing.

who’s to say it even exists.


overall, i have to say i’m proud of myself.

i’ve come a long way, and i’m finally about to get everything i’ve been hoping for.

i just hope it turns out to be everything i’d hoped it would be.

also, i’m trusting people less and less these days.

i’m not sure how genuine anyone is.


i stopped using this account

i guess i just got too mentally exhausted to try and figure out what the fuck i was feeling and how to put it all into words. i still am. i have so much to say, i don’t know how to say it. 

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